“I’ll give you credit. You did go balls out!”
“This was Gonzo! We thought is was a thriller–a regular family thriller–where this guy is gonna go out for revenge and then we’re getting these weird flashbacks. There was a lot of funny stuff...you know...an Amish Navy Seal?! I feel this has got to be an alternate universe, right?”
“At one point it went from being serious to being like Archer. That’s when I felt it was the strongest, when you had really overdrawn characters that were being huge. That’s where I felt the strength of the piece was. It’s almost like, ‘Let’s see a Lost as done by the team that does Archer.’ Tritan’s like the super most awesome bad eye-patch-wearing Amish Navy SEAL! I think his strength lies in what’s his flaw and you have it in his infidelity to his wife...The snake eating its tail and them having sex in the helicopter...It felt like a cool twist.”
“That balls-out craziness towards the end was great because it was on top of the, ‘I have to rescue my wife;’ ‘I have to escape;‘ which is something we can grab onto. The storyline kicked in when Tritan was captured and wanting to escape. The jokes were a lot funnier once we had something to grab onto.”
“It’s a zany script. Dumb and Dumber comes to mind, which is great, because you have all the zany sketch comedy moments and they have this ridiculousness with forward momentum. You did get some big laughs, so I applaud you for that.”
“Archer totally came to mind and so did Children’s Hospital, and also Newsreaders. You draw us in to the absurdity of this universe. He’s a Navy SEAL and everything is running up against that. The flashback that you give us where his dad is saving him–It’s hilarious! The infidelity coming up between the wife and the husband is absurd too. It really started to turn funny when Tritan says, ‘I don’t think my mom knew she was pregnant. If she did, she wouldn’t have been shark diving.’ Oh my God!”
“Uh...I, uh...(gasping for air). I, I, I loved it! I think it starts pretty fucking absurd. The guy gets eaten by a shark and then the kid unwraps a gift and then there’s a lamb in it...I think the effect you achieve by starting off with that crazy shit totally is the reason why I loved it so much, because you’re playing catchup but then you’re knocked over by this tidal wave of surprises and lunacy. I really liked it a lot. I just loved it! I’m sorry I laughed so much...I like that’s it’s not clear where we are or what’s going on at the beginning because you’re parodying these Sci-Fi dramas and that’s the technique they use a lot. They rope you in with this confusion and then it starts to unravel, except this time, instead of unraveling into shitty, mundane flashbacks or back story, instead it explodes into, ‘I don’t know what the fuck is going on!’ and I love it! I feel like it achieved some sort of drug-like effect, where you watch something when you’re on drugs and all you know is that you were laughing for half an hour and you can’t say what happened. I don’t feel that it’s a bad thing. I’ve never read anything like it. Good job, dude!”
–Matt Giegerich, Script Consultant
www.scriptquack.com
“This is the first I heard your writing, man, and I must say that you’re good at many things, like using very specific language. That’s definitely a mark of good writing. It feels like you have more prose writing experience, like you set this in the Bermuda Triangle. Also, on a side note, you say she takes a semen sample, but how do we know it’s a semen sample? I enjoyed it. Here’s what I found enjoyable: I think it’s a total Bruce Campbell thing and that’s awesome. If you get this to a certain place, I would love to try and help you get it to Bruce Campbell. This is definitely a balls-out draft.”
“Generally speaking, I thought this was very very funny and I really enjoyed it. It’s a crazy confusing story that you’re telling straight. I think it’s a funny idea and if you have 100 shows in mind, I’d totally pitch it to a network.”
“I think this is an Old Spice commercial. Ha, ha. I think you need to embrace that. Make him a guy that has to take care of business on bases in the Bermuda Triangle. Things were really rolling and over the top.”
“I had the same reaction. I thought that this was just awesome! I was like...I had never seen anything like this. I was just...I would love for you to send me a copy to read this every night. I still don’t even know what you were intending. If you were to stand up and told us instead of, ‘This is a police procedural-medical drama,‘ ‘This is a parody of action movies and I’m just writing something awesome;’ if that what your goal was, you achieved it! I just loved it! It’s like an Adult Swimshow.”
“It’s another example of, ‘Here’s a show as a character and this is how we get you into a weird world.’”
“I laughed really hard at this! I think more than anything I was perplexed. I didn’t think this was the end of the episode. I saw it progressing on in a presumably stranger way. I just did not have any idea about what was happening and I think that’s OK because I thought it was hysterical!”
“It reminds me of Crispy Dingo, where it starts out kinda sane, but it gets insane by the end of the series, but it makes sense if you watch the whole series. I mean, bat shit crazy. It kinda screams to me animated series and that frees up your imagination, so you could get new kings to a new kingdom. You go crazy and I love that shit. I really enjoyed it!”
“I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time. Thank you!”